Tell me... How's it feel getting fucked back ?
Previously, on UMBRE...
They know everything.
I was this close to getting chopped to pieces by them.
This stays between us.
They got Paganel ?
You know what they're capable of.
She's insane ! She's gonna sell us all out !
We go back a while already, you and I.
And you're next, huh ?
- How do you want me to behave ? - Not like this !
Three trucks with Ukraine plates. Crossing at Galați.
Will the Relster happen to be there ?
Don't these need to be alive when you throw'em in hot water ?
Only if they owe you money and they're behind on payments.
Our Lord Jesus Christ teaches us to be kind to all living things.
That's Jesus ?
I thought it was Pavarotti.
It's 'cause of the gym - Jesus got ripped.
Did you know Jesus was Romanian ?
First time I'm hearing about it.
Where else would a guy be doing all the work
while 12 others comment from the sidelines ?
Only in Romania.
Good thing the Jews took him off our hands.
We wouldn't have known where to put him today.
I can see him now, launching a shawarma business.
Relu, we, Romanians, are destined to be small.
Small, small, small.
We have no follow-through.
Hey, bro ! Brother dearest.
Nicu, are you out of your mind ?!
10,000 euro for a truck driver ?!
Bro, I know form experience that a closed mouth costs more
than an open one.
Except a hooker's.
Chill, we're through the worst of it, we're nearly there.
I hope you're hungry. I'm making a delicacy.
- I don't like crayfish. - It's lobster, with garlic sauce,
home-made mayo and lemon.
Are you trying to turn me onto Spanish cooking ?
- Are you gonna eat that ? - He eats protein however it comes.
Just look at the muscle on him. How much do you bench, Relu ?
- As much I have to, boss. - So, when are we leaving ?
- Leaving, where ? - What do you mean, "where" ? Spain.
- Bro... - Baby...
- Have you seen my phone anywhere ?
I haven't, sunshine.
Come to bed, I miss you.
I'll be there in a sec, after I wrap this up with the lads.
- Say hello, it's good manners. - Hello.
- You're one in a million. - Baby...
Did you get dropped on your head ? Or you're fixin' to be ?
Go look for your phone on all fours, your go-to position after all.
- Why are you rude to my wife-to-be ? - Your what ?
I'm getting hitched, it's settled.
To her ?
She's my soulmate.
We're a good fit, like nuts and bolts.
A good fit for what ?
We like to fuck and watch American action shows.
All right, Nicu - whatever you say.
Just curious, where did you find her ?
Hm ? Maybe she's one of mine.
I'll let you have her half off - family discount.
What's her name ?
Gotta check my phone.
I can't remember.
Man, you're still as crazy as ever.
Fuck it. Just tell me when we're leaving for Spain.
You're not coming.
So then, you're going alone ?
I'm taking the Relster with me. That's what all the protein's for.
What do you mean, taking Relu ? Hold on a minute.
How come ? Relu's my guy. What's the big idea
taking him on a fucking whim ? We may be brothers, but still.
Hold on, make me understand ! How come you're taking Relu along ?
I know you're my brother, but say things go south with the Spaniards.
You'll, what ? Wave your ID to show you're my brother ?
Slash their throats with it ?
And you, man ? Did you fuck me over ?
You're not my type, boss.
No one fucked you over, man.
I'm the brains. Relu's the muscle. Who are you ?
I'm the guy who put 700 grand into this
and 10 grand per driver to boot.
Hm ? How about that ?
You're gonna make that 700,000 back a dozen times over.
But there's only room for two on the plane.
I can't take all my kin along.
Have it your way, Nicu.
Fine.
I hope you choke on that crayfish.
Cheers, lads.
Don't get up, bro.
Cheers, blondie.
Whoa, living the fucking life in here, I'mma get me some food.
Fucking A, Colombia, man !
Good, fucking good, I shit you not.
Emilian.
More or less.
Mister Emilian sent me to meet you, pal around.
Said to show you the sights. Meat rolls, beer, chicks.
Boys for you, blondie, if you'd like. The Old City center.
Bars, discos, fun times.
Me ? Police ? No. Wrong.
Very, very wrong.
Man, you're off your rocker, fuckin' cuckoos.
Get it through your thick heads - I'm not police.
I work here.
I fix the odd pipe when it breaks, the odd toilet.
I mop the floors, vacuum.
Why's that so hard to get ?
Cleaning lady ! I'm the cleaning lady.
Come on, I'll take you out, clink some glasses. Bit of wine.
You're only gonna get paler sitting in this fuckin' office.
Come on, lads !
Yes, but... I cannot help you. Yes !
No. But you've gotten into the habit of calling me every time
you're on the rag or you get an ass pimple.
But, do I look like your mom ? Or your sister ?
Babe, if you wanna spill your guts, go see a priest, OK ?
Gotta go, I've got a thing.
Can I get you some coffee ?
No. I'm here to pick up the money. For the drivers.
It's always business with you, huh ?
OK.
Ten grand each.
- Don't go. - I wanna get there before dark.
- See how it's looking. - No, I meant don't go at all.
Why not ?
Remember that night, when we met under the bridge ?
When I asked you to go away together.
Right.
I asked if you just didn't want to.
And you said, "No, Nico. I can't."
"I've got a wife and kids."
Of course I remember. I'm not glitching like Pop Puiu.
- Not yet. - It's just...
It stuck with me. That you said...
You said you couldn't. Not that you didn't want to.
But you can do it, now.
Your wife's out of the picture, your kids are...
Nico.
I'm tired of being afraid.
I'm tired of waking up alone and...
...wondering "what if" all the time.
I just wanna wake up on a deserted beach somewhere.
- And have someone's arms around me. - Nico.
I don't want to.
You said you couldn't. Not that you didn't want to.
I don't want to, 'cause I can't be with anyone else but Gina.
I can't.
Are you blind ? Hm ?
Are you dumb ? What's wrong with you ?
I'm beautiful, I'm smart, everyone wants to fuck me.
What the fuck more do you want ?
You're not Gina. She's what I want.
Do you have any idea what I've done for you ?
For me ?
Everything you ever do, everything you've ever done...
...has been for yourself.
There's no such thing as an innocent victim.
Problems ?
Let's go.
Where's your boss ?
Hey ! I asked you guys something !
What's up, unky ?
Are you completely mad, boy ?
Huh ? Doing whatever the fuck you want like you owned this place ?
I actually do whatever the fuck I want with the places I own.
Used this plot once to grow onions. Next year, went with pansies.
You prick !
Who do you think you are, making fun of the Europol ?
Europol ?! These guys they sent here,
they're first-rate agents who've been on the case for two years.
And what do you go and do ?
- Who did you have them meet ? - Pop Costica.
Who ? Is that one of your guys ?
Not yet, but he's getting there.
-Who's Pop Costica ? -The cleaner who tidies up around here.
But he's first-rate too.
A cut above the Karate Kid at window-washing.
- Are you deranged ? - Unky...
Mind if we pick this up tomorrow ?
It's just, we're in the middle of this sting op.
- And you're kind of in the way. - Are you mad or are you high ?
A little bit of both.
Are you kidding me with your sting op, you loon ?
As of right now, you're no longer part of the Police Department, got it ?
You're not even fit to clean windows !
Why would I wanna take Pop Costica's job ?
He's got a family, a side piece too. Bills to pay.
Right. Play time's over. Everybody's dismissed, go home.
Or to the loony bin.
Uncle.
If it's not too much of a bother, we've got a sting op to set up.
Are you thick ?
It's done. Kaput. Your cop days are over.
Got it ? Your nephew days are over, too.
The second you lay a hand on a gun, you go to jail.
Got it ?
Boss ?
One Mississippi... two Mississippi...
...three Mississippi... four Mississippi...
Look, no jail ! And since I'm so crazy, maybe I even pull the damn trigger.
You wacko.
Uncle...
If you order it, I'll pull the plug, fuck the sting op.
And fuck your hick police department while we're at it.
You're all a bunch of amateurs anyway.
I'll go pack up my Playboy calendar from my office,
my colored pencils and the Rhododendron from mom
- and I'll be on my way. - You do that. Now.
But before I do, remind me to CC you on the email I need to send to the DA.
Wouldn't do to let this 32-page report I put together go to waste.
Where I go over everything we did these past three months, in detail.
And which I'm now gonna end with my favorite paragraph.
A beautiful, artistic, purple passage, all about today,
when I got solid intel confirming
three trucks full of coke will be coming in at the Galati border,
with a payload we put at 9 million Euros' worth.
And today of all days, you scrap the op because, what ?
Because two dimwits from Europol
got to chatting with Pop Costica, who was just mopping the office floor.
While I was preparing the sting op, above-mentioned in the report.
So help us God and the Virgin Mary.
You make me sick.
You're bringing them with you.
You heard him, go find a pair of red noses and clown costumes
to kit up our colleagues from Europol.
Boss...
Let's jerk each other off after.
Wheels up in 10.
What are you doing here ? What's wrong ?
Just came to see your new place.
Since I didn't get an invite.
But put that out, please. It's a no-smoking building.
Wow, already falling in line with the building do's and dont's.
So you left our house for this flat.
We can't all afford flats as fancy as yours.
Go on, you didn't answer the question.
No, I didn't leave our house for this flat.
Then, why did you leave ?
Because...
After your dad left, and then you...
The house felt pretty much empty.
And it was hard for me.
Yeah, it was hard.
Then, why didn't you ask dad to come home ?
It's not as simple as that.
What's so complicated, mom ? You pick up the phone,
call him up, say "come home". That's all there is to it.
-How hard can it be? I'll call him now. -No.
- Yes. I'll call tell him to come home. - No.
- Why not ?
Why not ?
Your dad sold the house.
- He did what ? - He sold the house.
Did you put him up to it ?
No, I didn't put him up to it.
But you did tell him you two were done, so no point keeping the house, right ?
Why do you think I'm to blame ?
- And why are you taking his side ? - I'm not taking his side.
It's just, why did he leave then ? He didn't just feel like it, did he ?
- Ask him. - Fine, so you caught him cheating.
He was losing fortunes at cards.
He went off to the woods to meditate.
- Why did he leave? - Ask him.
- I'm asking you. - No, ask him.
Come on, mom, I'm already here, tell me.
He lied to me.
OK, what did he lie about ?
Fine, so he lied.
So ?
So, he hurt your pride and that trumps your family ?
My pride...
- You've no idea what it was. - I don't have a clue, no.
But I know that, if you'd asked him to, he'd have come back. Right ?
And Chuckie would get to grow up like a normal kid, at home,
with a mom and a dad.
Whoa, we don't have a home anymore !
Not in this crappy apartment where, I swear,
it smells like a massage parlour.
How did you find this place anyway ? Whose is it ?
It's a friend's.
A friend's ?
Oh, OK, now I get it.
What's with the third degree ?
Do you think I'm stupid ?
I've never seen you all done up like this.
Eyebrows plucked, nails done, hair dyed.
Or is it just your new look around the house ?
- Magda ! - Give me a break.
Are you nuts ?
Hey !
You fucker !
Hey, asshole ! What do you think you're doing ?!
Do you hear me ?
You motherfucking scumbag !
Taking a shit in my pool, of all places ?
- Hm ? Hey ! - I'm curious...
When do the peach trees bloom ?
Peach trees, right ?
Shouldn't they be in bloom by now ?
What are you doing here ?
When does the peach tree bloom, and when does the apricot ?
That's the question.
Why're you taking a shit in my pool ?
You call this barfy pond a pool ?
I thought it was the lake in Tineret Park.
See, I've been taking dumps in that lake since forever.
Summer of '68 and every summer since.
The first day of August.
Until the middle of the season.
To the day, smack in the middle.
Like a Swiss watch.
Do you even know who I am, pops ?
Do you know who I am ?
Do you know who you are ?
Come on inside. Let me call you a cab.
Cabs are for broads.
I only travel by hang-glider.
Hey, slum bum.
Is there anything to eat in your fridge ?
With your crappy pool and all,
do you maybe have a wiener, at least ?
A chocolate cake ? A ladyfinger ?
Come.
Someone's come out. It's Relu Oncescu.
What's he doing ?
Taking a piss.
- He's what ? - Taking a piss.
Piss for brains.
What about the trucks ?
No sign yet.
OK, we wait.
Twat. Eyes on the twat.
- What's the joke ? - ...that's a good one.
What about Colombia ? Tell that story.
- Roadside picnic ? - Sir !
It's a book.
Arkadi and Boris Strugatski.
No ?
They made a movie based on it, too.
"Stalker".
Tarkovski.
- I don't really know about that stuff. - You don't ?
If you don't know it, why the fuck are you enacting it ?
Hm ?
Back to your post !
Yes, sir.
Boss ! Come here, stay with us !
R-r-r... Relu...
Ten grand.
Ten grand each.
-Three yellow trucks are coming at you. -Follow them, 100 meters behind.
Roger.
Block the road.
- Are we shooting this ? - Start to finish.
Taking it straight to Cannes.
You know what to do. There and there.
Five men, with me !
- Spike strips, yeah ? - Let's go, this is it.
Eyes on me !
Three trucks.
The men inside are considered highly dangerous.
If they try to get away, shoot their tires.
If they make a run for it by foot - shoot.
Warning shots ?
No.
Shoot right at them.
Get to your posts !
I love you.
No, no, don't be scared ! It's me ! I love you !
- I beg you... I want you ! - What the fuck...
Don't be scared, please, forgive me !
I want you, I love you, my love !
- I'm sorry, please ! - Get the fuck out of here !
OK, I will, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Forgive me.
I'm out.
Will you forgive me ? I didn't mean to...
Sebastian ?
Seb ?
So damn dark out here !
Something important, boss ?
I had ordered pizza.
They're 500 meters from you.
Move, move !
Turn the engine off and come down !
Wow, look at you, big man !
Way to go !
Surprise, surprise !
- Bolt cutters ! - That guy's blown a fuse.
- Shut the fuck up ! - Fuck you !
Search every inch.
Come on.
Hustle, deadbeat !
Search it, let's go !
Open it up !
There's nothing, boss.
Where's the load ?
That's the load, in there.
Three balloons. That's the load ?
Three colored balloons. With DJ lights inside to boot.
It's my son's birthday. Thought I'd surprise him.
Boss.
You don't know much about cars.
When a truck's loaded up, the ground clearance's lower.
Too bad you won't get another chance to use this tidbit.
I'll kill you.
I'll kill you, Relu !
- Boss ! - I'mma kill you myself !
- I'mma kill you dead ! - Boss !
Calm down.
What are you looking at ? Show's over, get back to the cars !
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